Have a Heart, as a Partner and a Parent

V-Day prep

Sometimes we just get angry and mad.  Am I alone here people?  I think not.  Perhaps you are EXHAUSTED because you are pregnant and not sleeping that well.  Or you are postpartum and the baby is waking every 2-3 hours….or perhaps you and your partner just can’t get in sync.  Or you got in an argument with your mom and it has left you in a fowl mood.  Perhaps you didn’t get the raise you were looking for.  Someone cut you off and took the parking space and how are you supposed to get all your errands done with baby in tow?  You have a toddler that has found the power of saying “no” and loves having tantrums in the middle of the grocery store….  Oh yeah, you know what I’m talking about.

When the angry voice in our head rules, the soft voice of the heart is overpowered.  You can’t hear it, and let’s face it, perhaps you don’t want to.  The power of letting it rip can really feel both comforting and familiar.  When I type it and read it, that sounds super eerie right? Kind of like sick in the head.  But as you will see with your little one, the feeling of power is addictive.  They will want to hold things, take things from others, push, bite, cry, wail, actually scream – like out loud – like at you – in front of other people.  Oh yeah, we all started there.

Parenting takes so much patience and courage. Courage to be wrong and admit it. To say I’m sorry, and role model moving toward what makes you angry. It is just like being in a relationship, a marriage, a committed partnership.  It takes work and focus.  And guess what, how the two of you interact and problem solve and resolve conflicts, well you are your child’s first teacher.  I know, that is a lot of responsibility, but suck it up babe, you signed up for this, remember?

As adults we can be creative in finding our heart.  Taking a breath.  Taking a moment.  Counting to 10. In breath.  Taking a sip or 3 of water.  There is no time like the present to witness when we are losing it, because when the sleep deprivation and the constant in-your-face responsibility of being a parent confronts you, that is NOT the time to practice those skills.  That is when we need to pull our well practiced skills out of the toolkit and into the real time of NOW .

How do you find your way back to your heart voice?  What works for you? When are you going to practice so that you don’t blow it during the big game?

Alisa. B. Donner, MSW, LCSW  Co-Founder of PAM and mother to an amazing wonder, that sometimes can push me to the limit….;)

The photo is by my uber talented husband, Ron Hamad (director and photographer). If you use it you need to at minimum credit him, but we really would prefer you email and make a request.  Thank you.

**REMINDER – Pregnancy Awareness Month’s blog post is for moms and expectant parents by moms (and of course some experts sprinkled in – and some mom’s are licensed board certified experts!).  HOWEVER, we are not giving blanket ADVICE on what you should be doing, eating, how you should be exercising, parenting, etc.  These are opinions, food for thought….think about it all, talk with your mate, and when it comes to diet, exercise, and health questions, ALWAYS discuss and seek advice from your medical health provider.

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