Baby on the way? Ready, Set… SLOW

A 3 Part Blog Series on the Pregnant Pause

by Stephanie Dawn, ASLP

When I first realized I was pregnant nine years ago, in my second trimester or so, I remember feeling fortunate that I was a self-employed counselor who worked out of my home and could take breaks and look after myself daily, without anyone watching over me. Recently, my sister gave birth to a gorgeous baby girl in New York City and worked full-time in an office up until 4 weeks just before the birth. I remember thinking “I don’t know how she is doing it, maintaining that pace, in that city, when she is 8 months pregnant?”

In our culture, slowing down in pregnancy doesn’t come naturally for women who work full-time in a hustling and bustling metropolis and truth be told, they may not even know how! Nor does our American work culture regard a pregnant mama as I do: worthy of reverence and in need of heaps of time off and TLC. The responsibility lies upon ourselves, then, to make our wellness a priority. In my work with expectant mamas, slowing down, caring for oneself, listening to the body, mind and spirit is a crucial daily, even moment to moment, practice. Not only is it important for the health of the Mama and her pregnancy, but it is also an opportunity for the Mama to tune into this new life that is within her, long before her baby is earth-side. I believe a conscious pregnancy leads to a conscious birth leads to a happier new Mama. What does a conscious pregnancy mean? Pregnancy and birth are some of the greatest rites of passage we as women get to experience in a lifetime and yet, if we walk through this time in an unconscious way, not tuning into the moment, or being mindful of our emotional, spiritual and mental journey, it will pass us by and the depth of awareness that is possible is missed.

I asked my friend and colleague Kelli, whom I would call a conscious Mama, about her energy levels in this, her third pregnancy. She spoke of needing 1-2 hours more sleep (she is now in her second trimester) and while she enjoys a brisk walk or practicing her vinyasa yoga, she said she equally needs to make dedicated time to rest. She says “Slowing down for me can’t necessarily mean less activity being the mother of 2 girls 6 and 4.  However, when I say slow down, I mean lessen my presence in the “rat race”.  I don’t want to be on Facebook as much anymore.”

When I asked Mama-to-be Jane, a high school teacher, how her rhythm of life had changed, she said “My rhythm of life would appear the same to an outsider but my focus has shifted dramatically. During this first trimester I am forced to slow down once I get home from work because I have very little left to do anything.  I also feel that there are other aspects to the slowing down that are more reflective. I’ve become acutely aware of how much stimulation I usually need (watching movies, reading, Facebooking, etc) and have been opting to spend less time with those and more time with quiet.  It feels good and it feels like an important way to prepare for the enormous changes that are about to come.”

Both Jane and Kelli are tuning in to that invisible cord that pulls us inward, that causes us to take note of the moment, to turn within and spend “more time with quiet.” To pause, to listen, and to give to ourselves in perhaps ways that we may never have before. As a mother of two, these pregnant pauses served me well in my pregnancies and births and acted as a primer to maintain the path of wellness and excellent self-care that I need, for myself, my work and my family. So go ahead, draw that bubble bath, take that walk and breathe deeply into the pause that refreshes!

Stephanie Dawn, ALSP is a Mother, Speaker, Educator and Spiritual Counselor supporting Mamas and Papas in the prenatal and postpartum period via prayer, counsel and Sacred Birth Coaching. She is the author of the Sacred Birth Workbook, Childbirth Preparation for the Heart, Mind and Spirit, which is now also available in Italian. Contact Stephanie for a complimentary consultation by going to www.stephaniedawn.com.

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Transition to parenthood is challenging. Research shows that two thirds of all couples will experience a precipitous drop in marital satisfaction following the birth of baby.

Those cute little bundles make us so happy and fill us with love and delight, but also stress us out! It is a short road between feeling stressed and being irritable with our partner; our communication breaks down and we find ourselves not wanting to work together as a team. Believe it or not, this is super common and pretty ‘normal.’   Normal – yes.  Uncomfortable – yes.  Avoidable – YES.

Effective communication is the cornerstone of satisfying relationships. Go out of your way to stay connected by talking with your partner several times throughout each day. Inquiring about how they are doing and what’s on their mind; you’ll be letting your partner know that he or she is a priority and that you care about them.

If you really want to give your bond a boost, be sure to avoid negativity and criticism and instead compliment your partner for something that they did right. ‘Thank you for changing peanut’s poopie diaper. Thank you for picking up dinner. Thank you for helping me edit my blog post.’ (Luv you, hunny!)

Recognizing, appreciating and commenting favorably on your partners contributions will increase the emotional connection between you and also increase the likelihood that they will help again in the future (hint hint!).

For those conversations that get off to a bad start, well, it is worthwhile to take 5.  If the first few of minutes of a conversation or argument are met with criticism, hostility or defensiveness, your best course of action is to retreat and take a break.  Make sure, that the decision to take a break was done collectively and agree to separate for a minimum of twenty minutes, with an agreed upon time to come back together and try again.

For an effective break that leads to great resolution:

• DON’T use the break as an opportunity to let your frustration fester and conjure up all the retorts that you wished you said earlier
• DON’T use your break as a way to avoid your partner
• DO use your time to relax and emotionally calm down
• DO make sure you feel calm and composed before resuming the conversation

Employing effective well placed breaks will greatly enhance your ability to approach the subject matter with a clearer head, be more creative in your problem solving and compromising abilities and facilitate your ability to successfully resolve conflict.  You will be glad you did!

That’s a wrap.

Dr. Alyssa Berlin, PsyD, CGE
Clinical Psychologist, Certified Gottman Educator, Co-founder of Berlin Wellness Group

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These days simple tasks like that can be challenging. My son still wants to be in my arms all the time and my daughter needs me for homework and projects. Obviously I value the time with my children, they need me and one day they won’t, well not in quite the same way but taking a moment to have to oneself is not a luxury, it is a necessity. And I just don’t mean a late night bath, where one collapses in the lukewarm water that has been waiting for you all night. I mean, focused time alone. It may be scheduled or it may “occur” organically but it must be cultivated and re-occurring.

When a woman is pregnant (with her first child anyway) cultivating time alone, a time of reflection happens so easily. You are bonding inwardly with your child, you are musing on your future as a mother…and then baby comes and everything is so external, so right in front of you. Ladies, the seasons are changing, our children are growing and life goes on. But please take this time to notice the sounds around you, acknowledge the things you have done and take a deep breath, better yet take a few.

Anna Getty, Founder, Pregnancy Awareness Month, author, Holistic Life Expert, and mother of 2 adorable children!

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We went together into the bedroom and she watched me massage my daughter, and gave me tips.  Even as small as she was, my daughter reacted to the massage in such a positive way.  And it encouraged me to feel confident.  I was still so new at holding her outside of my body, and actually had been a bit shocked at how awkward I was at times in changing her clothes or diaper, or in holding her to breastfeed.  By touching her and using my hands with this pure, calendula oil, I was connecting to both her and myself in a different way.  It was magical.

Believe it or not, that was my introduction to Weleda, and Anna and I continue to use their products today.  Here’s our favs:

• Women’s facial cleanser
• Pomegranate Face Cream
• Deodorant sprays
• Childrens Tooth Gel
• Calendula Diaper Cream
• Calendula Shampoo & Body Wash
• Pregnancy Body Oil

Have you heard about the healing aspects of Calendula, which is also called marigold?  As a homeopathic, it is typically used for cut, scrapes, and bug bites.

Weleda has been a forerunner, celebrating their 90^th anniversary this year, in harvesting practices that are respectful to the earth and protective of our natural resources through biodynamic farming.  They harvest all of the calendula by hand, and only use organic chamomile, read more.

In August they are partnering with Pregnancy Awareness Month®.  We will have a weekly giveaway later this month as well as a Twitter Party focusing on their amazing Baby Care line of Calendula formulated products. “Weleda Calendula Baby Care helps care for a baby’s delicate skin with the best ingredients from nature. We use Biodynamic calendula extract from flowers that are grown each summer in our very own gardens in Germany.” Pato Pol, a Weleda Aesthetician, Doula, and Baby Massage expert.

If you are learning about Weleda for the first time or getting reacquainted with them, Anna and I encourage you to go to their website and learn more about their practices and mission.  There is a tutorial on bathing and massaging a newborn, linked earlier in this blog.  They also have a community page with tips, the current incentive is for you to add a tip to their page for a $2 coupon.

Alisa Donner, MSW, LCSW

Co-founder of Pregnancy Awareness Month®

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By Dr. Alyssa Berlin, PsyD

Oh the power of a well-placed break.  A short powernap on a long workday.  Intermission at a play.  The seventh inning stretch.  How about the nine month stretch?

Transition to parenthood is challenging.  Research shows that two thirds of all couples will experience a precipitous drop in marital satisfaction following the birth of a baby.

Those cute little bundles make us so happy and fill us with love and delight, but also stress us out which can make us and our partners irritable; our communication breaks down and we find ourselves not working together as a cohesive unit.  Believe it or not, this is super common and pretty ‘normal’.  But it’s still icky.  Luckily, it’s also avoidable.

Effective communication is the cornerstone of satisfying relationships.  Go out of your way to talk with your partner several times throughout each day.  Inquiring about how they are doing and what’s on their mind; you’ll be letting your partner know that he or she is a priority and that you care about them.

If you really want to give your bond a boost, be sure to avoid negativity and criticism and instead compliment your partner for something that they did right.  ‘Thank you for changing peanut’s poopie diaper.  Thank you for picking up dinner.  Thank you for helping me edit my blog post.’ (Luv you hunny!)

Recognizing, appreciating and commenting favorably on your partners contributions will increase the emotional connection between you and also increase the likelihood that they will help again in the future (hint hint!).

For those conversations that get off to a bad start, well, that is where the well placed break makes all the difference.  Couples guru, Dr. John Gottman, recommends that if the first few of minutes of a conversation or argument are met with criticism, your best course of action is to take a break from the conversation for a little while.  Collectively ­agree to separate for twenty minutes or more, with an agreed upon time to come back together and try again.

For an effective break that leads to great resolution:

• DON’T use the break as an opportunity to let your frustration fester and conjure up all the retorts that you wished you said earlier
• DON’T use your break as a way to avoid your partner
• DO use your time to relax and emotionally calm down
• DO make sure you feel calm and composed before resuming the conversation

Employing effective breaks will greatly enhance your ability to approach the subject matter with a clearer head and be more creative in your problem solving and compromising.

Expectant and new parents can learn and develop these and other relationship boosting tips at Bringing Baby Home workshops.  You, your partner and peanut will be glad that you did.

That’s a wrap.

Dr. Alyssa Berlin is a prenatal and postpartum clinical psychologist.  Dr. Berlin works specifically with women and their partners on issues such as anxiousness and emotional fluctuation during pregnancy, postpartum blues and depression, and the complex issues that can arise between and around new and expectant parents.

Preventatively, Dr. Berlin offers the internationally acclaimed Bringing Baby Home workshop once a month, which utilizes a series of exercises and discussions aimed at helping new parents avoid the typical pitfalls and relationship discord that can often accompany the birth of a new baby.

You can read Dr. Alyssa’s blog on the Huffington Post where she contributes to PBS’s ‘This Emotional Life” project.

Dr. Berlin received her doctorate at Argosy University in Atlanta, GA, went on to become a certified Gottman educator and is a member of the American Psychological Association. Dr. Alyssa and her husband, prenatal chiropractor Dr. Elliot Berlin live in Los Angeles and are the proud parents of four amazing children.

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by Annette Tatum

Pregnancy is a magical time.  Moms-to-be are amazing during this time.  They are so self-less, and so dedicated to considering every way to nurture the growing baby in their bellies.  But…Moms, please don’t forget to also take care of yourself too.  You deserve a time to let loose, a time to indulge, and a time to relax.

In honor of “self-nurturing” week during Pregnancy Awareness Month, we invite Moms to nurture their creative spirit by decorating a beautiful space in your home. 

Vibrant Organic Paints

During pregnancy…why not let your creativity flow.  Go out on a limb and express yourself.  Liven up your home with bright, vibrant colors. 

Create A Spirited Nursery

As you enter the “nesting phase” you’ll want to prepare your nursery  for the arrival of your little one.  Create a room full of life and spirit…a perfect way to welcome a new soul into your home.

Creating a Beautiful Workspace

Ok, we know working does not sound nurturing…but perhaps it can be?  Taking your mind off the little one growing inside and challenging your mind can be very rewarding…especially in a beautiful workspace.  And, if you plan to work once baby arrives, don’t you deserve a space that is “just for you”. 

Relaxing Outdoor Nap-time Spaces

Expecting moms need to remind themselves to get off their feet and relax.  But that’s hard to do during the summer when it’s so beautiful outside.

But you can have the best of both worlds…Perhaps the “beautiful space” you create is a wonderful place to kick up your heals and relax, read a book, and meditate in your backyard?

Why not dress up a mattress or daybed you had in storage with decorative pillows   and comfortable bedding, and create an outdoor space perfect for nap-time amongst plants, flowers, singing birds, and the fresh breeze on your face!

Special Spaces…The Bath

One wonderful place to relax aching backs and soar feet from carrying the extra weight is in the bath.  Create a “home-spa” as you soak in a warm tub bubbling with bath salts and Mor soaps.

For more inspirations for your home decor, check out Annette’s book, “The Well-Dressed Home” 

This book will inspire you to embrace the idea of designing your own  home to mirror your unique personality and style.

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Whenever I think about sharing what I know with expectant mamas, the word ‘empowerment’ is the first thing that comes into my mind. Why? Well, over the years, and decades, we have seen the persistent dis-empowerment of women at birth. We women have ‘given away’ our power and it has been ‘taken over’ by medical authorities who ‘know better’. Why do we do this? We do this because it is new terrain for women and men who are first time parents, and we have come, as a culture, to trust our doctor/midwife more than we trust ourselves.  We do it because we are afraid, for our lives and the lives of our babies. We hear far more negative stories about birth than we do positive. So of course we want the best possible outcome for everyone involv ed, but when we see this power given over, time and time again, less than ideal birth scenarios ensue. If we can stand in an empowered place prenatally, then we will feel empowered during the birth and directly after.

It wasn’t until I was preparing to have my second baby in a hospital that I realized all the things I could say ‘no’ to in the hospital setting. I credit my doula, in large part, for empowering me by showing me numerous birth plans of her past clients. I fashioned my birth plan after reading all of them and came up with a plan that contained reasonable requests that were specific to our family and beliefs. I gave one to my doula, one to my midwife and made 5 copies for the nurses and attached them to a big basket of goodies that we brought to the hospital on the birth day.

In order to have a truly sacred birth, the hour immediately after is incredibly important. Here’s what most people don’t realize: you get to decide what happens with your baby – unless there is an emergency situation, and more often than not, birth is not an emergency. You don’t want a Vitamin K shot put into their foot upon arrival, because you are not circumcising if it’s a boy, that’s fine. You don’t want eye ointment smeared in their eyes to ward off any bacteria causing problems later, that’s fine (a little breast milk will do the trick). You don’t want the cord cut until the placenta has been delivered? No problem. You don’t want baby taken away from you directly after being born? You can request this. Learn your rights and speak up about them long before your child’s birth day.

In some cultures, women and family sing to their baby as they are being born. My husband made up a song called ‘World of Love’ for our first child and sang it to him upon his arrival. You may want to speak a prayer to your baby upon his/her arrival; a blessing to welcome he or she. Perhaps you would like a certain song playing as you give birth. If your labor was long or if your baby is crying a great deal upon arrival, you may want to speak softly to your baby and let them know you understand the tough journey they’ve had in getting here.

Postpartum empowerment in a hospital means knowing your rights, knowing hospital policies and protocols and working within them. Once you know your rights you can speak up for them, in a birth plan, and directly with your caregivers. You, your family, and your baby deserve nothing less.

Stephanie Dawn, ALSP is a Sacred Birth Coach empowering mamas, papas and birth professionals in Los Angeles and around the world. She is the founder of Sacred Birth Work ~ Childbirth Preparation for the Heart, Mind and Spirit. Contact Stephanie for a complimentary consultation by emailing sacredbirth@me.com or go to http://www.stephaniedawn.com/.

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By: Ana Paula Markel ICCE, CD (DONA)

Certified Doula, Certified Childbirth Educator, DONA Approved Birth Doula Trainer

Owner, Bini Birth

The word doula has gained incredible popularity in the past decade. The joke in big cities is not if you have a doula but WHO is your doula. Women have become familiar and embraced the idea that a loving, informed and positive presence during the transition into motherhood can be the single best decision about their care.

We are now embracing and exploring the role of the Postpartum Doula.

According to DONA International and from their website, a Postpartum Doula:

• Offers education, companionship and  nonjudgmental support during the postpartum fourth trimester
• Assists with newborn care, family adjustment,  meal preparation and light household tidying
• Offers evidence-based information on infant  feeding, emotional and physical recovery from birth, infant soothing and coping skills for new parents, and makes appropriate referrals when necessary

A postpartum doula certified by DONA International is designated by the initials PCD(DONA).

Translating this definition into a day in a new mother’s life, it is almost comparing darkness to light. A new mother is often tired from the birth experience; experiencing a physiological hormonal drop, and recognizing that nothing could really prepare someone for the role as a mother. She may have breastfeeding questions and infant sleep/wake cycle questions.  Much support is needed during the early post partum days.

Sleep deprivation combined with the seemly relentless needs of the newborn.  And how about the partner? Partners can be just as lost or even on a different pace than the mother.

Enter the role of the postpartum doula.  Through gentle listening, validation and expertise she brings confidence to the new parents.

The birth doula supports and informs about the birth process but at the end of the day, the mother will be the one to birth the baby, either vaginally or by a cesarean birth.

The postpartum doula does the same, her role is to encourage and support the parents in parenting their own babies. The postpartum doula does not take over the care of the baby for the mother, but gently guides mom through her questions and insecurities. The postpartum doula will also remind the mother of all the things she is doing well, celebrating each milestone with the family in the early days.

If we nurture the mother, she can nurture her baby. It sounds simple but in real life may not be. People come to visit and the mother may catch herself entertaining, thinking about food for the guests or being polite and making small talks when all she wants is to rest. New mothers need to have their feet up, to be fed, heard, validated and honored in order to provide for their infant. The postpartum doula’s role is to care for the mother (and her partner) along with the infant. It is not divided or separated, it is a big picture; a family approach.

At this point you may be sold on the idea, but probably asking how much such service will cost. No, it is not a cheap service, but we can look at it as an investment. You are preventing postpartum depression, therefore saving on therapy sessions and possible medication. You are preventing breastfeeding complications, therefore saving on formula and the paraphernalia that comes with bottle feeding. You are enhancing communication among partners, therefore saving in couple’s therapy. These are just a few of the financial benefits of hiring a postpartum doula. And what is the price for love, peace of mind, security, confidence and a healthy relationship among new parents?

People spend so much money on fancy strollers, diaper bags, baby luxury clothing, and many other items that are fun. How can we help society value the aid of a doula dedicated to post partum service for the infant and family in the first 1 or 2 weeks post birth just as much?

A postpartum doula costs anywhere from 20 to 50 dollars/hour. It depends on the city, if it is day or night shifts, or one baby or multiples. Doulas are hired for some hours daily or nightly and/or for 24 hours care. Doulas can be hired for either short or longer term. You can also negotiate the fee with the doula based on the period you want to contract with her. Some doulas work on sliding scales.

Here are some ideas in case you feel you can’t afford a doula:

• Think about hiring a newly trained doula who will charge a lot less than an experienced doula. These doulas often have mentorship from their trainers, and more experienced doulas.

• Create a doula fund for your baby shower.

• Suggest it as a gift from grandparents, and close relatives.

• Suggest a payment plan to the doula.

In the end, it is the mother, partner and baby who will benefit from this service. A safe, confident beginning of life is a precious and lasting investment in the relationship with our children and each other.

Peace begins in the womb, birth and early parenting.

To find a PP doula near you, www.dona.org and in the Los Angeles area www.binibirth.com. 

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In this time of recession, families are looking for ways to save money, cut corners, and reuse. As you have one child grow out of clothing so fast, you probably realize how nice it would be to have a friend to trade outgrown children’s clothing. You spend time and money making baby gear purchases, and before you know it, it’s time for an upgrade.  When you begin to have multiple children and different sexes, you might feel overwhelmed at the money that you could spend on new clothing or gear that will be outgrown in a few months. And the options for mothers in need to find nice clothing at prices that don’t dwindle the bank are limited in these times of economic stress. When you realize that your closets and garage are being overrun with your children’s outgrown clothes or baby gear, make sure to check out Baby Buggy. Even if these items are no longer useful to your family, it doesn’t mean they are totally useless to families in need.

Founded by mom, Jessica Seinfeld, Baby Buggy is a 501 c-3 non-profit charity created to provide New York City families in need with necessities for infants and young children. This includes essential equipment, gently used clothing, and products. There are three simple ways to volunteer your time to the families in need. First, you can organize a pick-up of your baby gear and recycle items that are no longer of use to you. Second, volunteer your time with other amazing team members at the Baby Buggy loft. Finally, financial gifts keep the offices running and the organization providing services to families. Not only does this charity help with the ease of shopping for children, but also the clothing that children wear was worn with love by another child.

You may be preparing for your first child and enthralled in buying new clothing, gear, and toys. Or perhaps you have several children and have plenty of children’s items filling your closets. Wherever you are, we recommend becoming familiar with Baby Buggy, for the dedication they have to providing for mothers.

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Visioning Your Sacred Birth

I’ve often said that we do a wonderful job in America of preparing a woman and her mate with all that she needs to know about the physical aspect of birth, but very little about the mental, emotional and spiritual aspects of birth. As a result, when the first labor pang comes, women are ill prepared for the power that is surging in, through and as them and have no idea how to manage it. The same goes for their mates. While we may say we are ‘ready’ for the baby, are we really? In every way possible?

As I mentioned previously, fear runs rampant throughout a woman’s pregnancy and, indeed, our culture, and so much of the inner preparation for a woman relates to transmuting this fear and embracing one’s own feminine power, which then creates confidence to do what we were born to do and do it well, to the best of our ability.

What more can a woman and her mate do to create confidence, beyond the gathering and reading of solid information? One of the processes I do with my clients to great success, is called Visioning. Visioning is a process whereby we go into a meditative state, quieting the mind via prayer and then I ask a succession of questions that relate to the purpose of the visioning, which in this case I would call an Ideal or Perfect Birth Visioning. Sometimes I call this ‘downloading’ the future, connecting to and creating a vision for, a probable reality that is one’s resonant ideal.

Becoming comfortable with images of birth, in general, is a positive step to create confidence. In bygone times, we were much more involved in our family’s and community’s births, taking part in them and witnessing them regularly. These days, one of the best ways to learn more about birth is by watching birth videos on Youtube. It is important to watch videos that feed your ideal vision and not it’s opposite. While it’s good to read all kinds of birth stories, in my opinion, it’s best to watch videos that are harmonious with your desires and intentions. The first video I ever watched was an undisturbed, deeply meditative water birth that a doula friend loaned to me of a birth she attended in Venezuela. This left an indelible mental image for me in terms of what is possible for a woman in labor.

Finally, I cannot emphasize highly enough the importance of hiring a doula. Doulas attended both of my births at home and in the hospital and to this day I refer to my doulas as my ‘birth angels’. Their ability to connect with me, hold my hand, make eye contact, remind me of my own power and my own intentions in the midst of the intensity of birth was deeply empowering and ultimately unforgettable. I cannot imagine my births without them. Learn more about hiring a doula at www.dona.org and www.doulamatch.net

If you would like to learn more tips about how you can create your sacred birth, you may wish to check out the Sacred Birth Workbook which was written with you in mind. Over the years of teaching the Sacred Birth Workshop in Los Angeles and New York, I compiled this workbook in an effort to share, in one place, what I was repeatedly offering year after year. It is a compendium of spiritual processes, exercises and information that will support you in creating your sacred birth. Learn more at www.stephaniedawn.com/ebook.htm.

Stephanie Dawn, ALSP is a licensed spiritual counselor and Sacred Birth Coach. She is the founder of Sacred Birth Work ~ Childbirth Preparation for the Heart, Mind and Spirit. Contact Stephanie for a complimentary consultation by emailing sacredbirth@me.com or go to www.stephaniedawn.com.

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