Image by Classic Kids Photography
Some thoughts from one who has found a new beginning in couple hood, a second chance at love and intimacy, even as a mother. TAKE care of your relationship ladies, that is the moral of this story.
There are many things I did wrong in my first marriage. I won’t list them. But one thing in retrospect I am able see that I did not do was to make a priority or ask for time with my partner after we had children. I have read many books on parenting, books on relationships AND books on children and marriage and its unanimous, they all suggest, let me correct that, they all stress how important it is to nurture the couple after one begins having children. Based on my reading, many couples report disconnection from their spouse once the family begins. At first it is the hormonal changes for woman after giving birth, the shifting of priorities for both parents as well as learning how to time manage after the complete hostile take over. There are other issues as well.
But if a couple does not keep the connection and nourish it with time, attention and love, there can be estrangement, resentment and disconnection. I am not sure if I understood the significance of this, the first time around. But I can tell you, this time around I am doing things differently.
I’m now in a relationship with my infant’s father for almost two years, we have spent the last nine months of our son’s life not only cultivating our family (the three of us), our patchwork family (the five of us including my two children from my first marriage) but the two of us. Our couple bond, our vortex, our love. We hold our relationship at the top of the pyramid.
Our goal is never to sacrifice our kids for our relationship nor to sacrifice our relationship for our children. I think it is important for my children to bear witness and to understand.
Every Sunday since our baby was three weeks old we have date night. Our son stays with a sitter and we drive out into the night, dinner, dancing, a movie, whatever it may be, the time is ours. We get to talk, acknowledge one another, plan and dream. At times we take walks or go have lunch. Maybe watch a dvd late night. We seek counseling if and when conflict arises. We journal together at times setting intentions so that we may act from those places.
No matter what we repair anything that needs tending to with love.
Our intention is for our love to grow and deepen. When the children are grown and move away we will have to turn to one another. So, now I make the time and work on creating a beautiful foundation for when that day comes.
**REMINDER – Pregnancy Awareness Month’s blog post is for moms and expectant parents by moms (and of course some experts sprinkled in – and some mom’s are licensed board certified experts!). HOWEVER, we are not giving blanket ADVICE on what you should be doing, eating, how you should be exercising, parenting, etc. These are opinions, food for thought….think about it all, talk with your mate, and when it comes to diet, exercise, and health questions, ALWAYS discuss and seek advice from your medical health provider.
date night, making the time, marriage, postpartum, Pregnancy, Pregnancy Awareness Month